Last week we met Jacob and Leah and Rachel, one of the many dysfunctional families in the Bible. While this family lived over four thousand years ago, the dynamic of competition and rivalry is still present and active in our lives. It drives our divisions and disagreements. It manifests in hate and war.
How can we combat this tendency in our lives? For Leah and
Rachel their rivalry was fostered by Rachel’s inability to have children. She
even bartered with her sister for some mandrake root (a supposed aphrodisiac) by
offering Leah a chance to sleep with Jacob.
Rachel needed to have (or thought she needed) children,
especially sons. Being barren made her feel like a failure. She started to see
her fertile sister as being better and having more power in the family. That led
to feelings of anger, even against Jacob, and insecurity. She confronts him, When
Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of
her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” (Genesis
30:1)
His reply probably didn’t help the situation. Jacob snarls, “Am
I God?” he asked. “He’s the one who has kept you from having children!”
(Genesis 30:2)
Leah’s ability to have children seems to have given her
pride. It did give her status in the family unit. When she stopped having
children, she offered her maid to Jacob as a surrogate wife to keep up with
Rachel’s maid. Leah realized that she wasn’t getting pregnant anymore, so
she took her servant, Zilpah, and gave her to Jacob as a wife. (Genesis 30:
9)
Each of the women told themselves a lie and came to believe
it deeply. Rachel believed she was no good because she was childless. Leah felt
that she was, if not loved, at least honored for having many sons. The truth was
that God loved both women, and Jacob tried to do so as well.
Within our own families and other relationships, we may not start
a birthing competition. However, don’t we all know families where siblings try
to outdo each other with better cars or houses or jobs? Don’t we all know
people whose only goal in life is to have the newest and best thing on the
market even if it means destroying a relationship? Aren’t there people we know
who sneer at other family members because their lifestyle is different from the
family norm and therefore “wrong”.
This comparison doesn’t stop with family members. Neighbors
and cultures and countries that have different customs and norms from our
personal ones, may be deemed ‘barbarian’ or ‘evil’ or ‘stupid’. That
designation, untrue though it is, historically has lead to genocide, wars, and
inquisitions among other evils.
What are the lies we tell ourselves about our families and
other relationships?
Think about your own personal norms. How do they differ from
other members of your family or community? Do you find yourself labeling those
who think differently as ‘bad’?
What might you do to change that mindset and be more
understanding of neighbors and family members who are different from you?
