Today we’ll look at the Betrothal, which was (and is) in
Jewish culture very important. It is different from an ‘engagement’ because it
is a vow spoken in the presence of witnesses and is as binding as the wedding
vows spoken later.
Nearly all societies have a period of time between the
choosing of a mate and the actual consummation of the wedding. For instance,
Celtic tribes had a ‘handfast’ ceremony which took place during the Feast of
Lughnasadh in early August. This was a seemingly rather random way of choosing
your mate. Marriageable young men and women lined up on opposite sides of a
gate in a wall. They each put a hand through a hole in the gate. They were then
‘handfasted’ in trial marriage to the one whose hand they grasped. They lived
together for a year. If it didn’t work out, the couple could ‘break up’ at the
next Lughnasadh by standing back to back and walking away from each other. 
Young (and not so young) men and women announce their
engagement to family and friends every day around the world. Full of eager
plans for the wedding, they may or may not pause to think about the life-long
implications of getting into a permanent relationship with another person. An
engagement, like the handfast ceremony, can be ended at any time by either party.
A betrothal, on the other hand, is all about binding vows between a man and woman
before witnesses. A Betrothal is a legal covenant. An actual document is drawn
up laying out the bride price and a ceremony called Kiddushin (sanctification)
is performed. The groom recites the words "Thou art
consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and of Israel” and places a
ring on the bride’s finger. Wine is shared, but the man and woman do not live
under the same roof until the actual marriage. During the Betrothal period, the groom
prepares a home for his bride and the bride prepares clothing and household
items. The only way to end a betrothal is by a divorce, which must be initiated
by the man.
Once the Betrothal vows are said, the man and
woman are considered to be husband and wife, even though they don’t live
together until the wedding itself. If one dies, the other is the widow/er. If
the woman is unfaithful, the man can have her punished as an adulteress. We see
this in the Nativity narrative in Matthew, when Joseph struggles with how to
deal with Mary’s pregnancy.
Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this
way. When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived
together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. Her husband
Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace,
planned to dismiss her quietly. But just when he had resolved to do this, an
angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph, son of David,
do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is
from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for
he will save his people from their sins.’ All this took place to fulfill what
had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet: ‘Look, the virgin shall
conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel’, which means, ‘God
is with us.’ When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord
commanded him; he took her as his wife, but had no marital relations with her
until she had borne a son; and he named him Jesus. (Matthew 1:18-25)
Joseph had several choices as the wronged husband. He could
have had Mary stoned for infidelity, he could have divorced her publically and
shamed her before the city, or he could have (as he contemplated) divorced her
quietly. The final option was claim the child was his and marry her
immediately. Of course, we know this is what he did. (I thought his story was
so interesting that my book Mary, My Love
tells the Nativity narrative and beyond, from Joseph’s point of view.) Because
the Betrothal itself was as binding as the actual marriage, pretty much all Joseph
had to do was take Mary into his home after he made his decision.
How does all this interesting history about betrothals have
anything to do with our Faith and with our relationship to the Holy Bridegroom?
We are betrothed to God. This is more than an engagement that either side can
break off. It is a vowed relationship made by God from the beginning and
spelled out in Hosea 2:19-20 where God says,
“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you to me in righteousness
and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in
faithfulness and you shall know the Lord.” In Jeremiah 2:2, God tells
Jeremiah; “Go and proclaim…‘Thus says the
LORD: "I remember you, The kindness of your youth, The love of your betrothal, When you went after Me in the wilderness, In a
land not sown. Israel was holy to the Lord…”
We are betrothed to and by God. The Bride price has been
paid for us. The 'Bride Price' is from the Groom to the Bride, not her family. It
essentially made her independent of her birth family in order to be wed. You
may recall that in Genesis 29, Jacob works for Laban for 7 years to earn Rachel
as wife. Because of Laban’s trickery he ends up actually working 14 years… The
Holy Bridegroom paid our Bride price by becoming Man and loving us so much that
He went to the Cross for our redemption (from the household of sin).
When we are baptized and/or confirmed we affirm and
acknowledge that betrothal relationship, but the relationship was there before
we accepted it. How awesome is that? God acts to bring us into intimate loving
relationship and we don’t really have to do anything! Next time-the betrothal feast.
