What does being ‘in control’
mean to you? Is it having everything planned out? Is it ‘be prepared’, as the
Scouting motto encourages? Is it juggling all the parts of your life and making
it look effortless? Is it pretending everything is OK, when you are collapsing
inside and your world is falling apart? Is it forging forward despite not
really knowing where you are going or what’s happening?
Imagine an interview with two
Bible people who were good at looking like they were ‘in control’, even when life wasn't going as planned.
Moses and
Leah meet somewhere in the world of imagination:
Leah: Moses, tell me what does ‘in control’ mean to you?
Moses: I’d have to say it changed over the years. I was raised a prince in
Egypt, you know,
and power is a great way to stay in control of your life...or at least you can act like you are in control
Leah: I wouldn’t know anything about power. I did have to be in control
of things in our house, though. Everyone expected me to be the one to take care
of everything. My sister, Rachel, was the one who had all the fun, while I kept
the household running smoothly.
Moses: I suppose my sister Miriam felt the same way. She was older and I never
even knew I had a sister until years and years later. While I was living in the
palace, she was living the life of a slave in Goshen.
L: I often felt like a slave to my family. Perhaps that’s why I
made sure that everything was perfect. If I could look around and see the meals
made, the loom strung with a new blanket, the water jars full, clothes clean,
and all the details taken care of, I knew I was doing my job.
M: Well, I have to admit that I never gave much thought to how
things got done, until my life changed.
L: What changed?
M: I learned that I wasn’t the son of Pharoah’s sister. Instead,
I was a foundling child, a Hebrew man child who should have been left to die at
birth. It changed my entire outlook on life and in trying to defend a fellow Hebrew,
I killed an Egyptian.
L: (Gasps) Oh my! What happened?
M: I fled for my life. (Pauses) In an odd way, it was the best
thing that ever happened to me…
L: Maybe I can relate. The thing in my life that I thought was
the most horrible was when my Father tricked my cousin into marrying me instead
of Rachel. She was my sister and Jacob really loved her. However, marrying
Jacob turned out to be a blessing. I became a mother and discovered love. I still felt like I had to keep everything running smoothly though, even when it seemed that nothing was going my way.
M: I married a wife in Midian, while in exile. Zipporah was the
daughter of Jethro, a nomad and priest of the One God who took me in and cared
for me when I had nowhere else to go. I probably would have died in the desert
if I hadn’t stumbled across that well where his daughters brought their flocks.
Jethro and Zipporah taught me about the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But,
I have to say that my life felt very different and out of control because I was
no longer a prince and could no longer command people to do my will.
L: As a mother I had new responsibilities and I did them well.
No one knew that inside I felt like I had no control over my life. After all, I
was married to Jacob so my father could gain 7 years more free labor from
him, so he could marry Rachel anyway. Jacob made no secret of the fact that he
did love Rachel and only came to my bed when he had to. However, I proved to
myself that I was better. I could bear children and my sister could not.
M: I raged at God even though I had a comfortable life and a family in
Midian. They cared for me more than all the people in the palace ever did. ‘Why did you let me live as a prince and then take it all away?’ I
asked. ‘What did I do wrong that you punished me?’ I thought that if I
carefully put my life back together then God would bless me.
L: My children were my joy, but, like you, I raged at God. ‘Why
do you hate me and allow my sister to be more loved even when I am the mother
of Jacob’s sons?’ ‘When will you let me be loved?’ God never seemed to hear me
and when Rachel did finally have a son, Jacob set him over my boys. It was
too much and in an attempt to be loved by someone, I may have poisoned my sons
against their half-brother.
M: I know how despair can eat away at you. The caravans that
passed through Midian told of the ways that Pharaoh mercilessly used my
kinsfolk. It was then that I really felt helpless. There was no way an exiled
murderer could do anything to ease their burden.
L: It was only after my sister died in childbirth that I
started to understand that neither God, nor Jacob hated me. I took Benjamin and
raised him like one of mine, but the damage was done. My sons detested their
brother and, as I learned much later, sold him into slavery in Egypt.
M: God sent me back to Egypt
to free the Children of Israel from their slavery. I had to learn to depend on
God’s guiding and to let go of trying to control my life. There was no way I
could plan ahead for what would happen. I didn’t even know if I would survive
returning to Egypt.
I was afraid that I’d be arrested as soon as I set foot in the country.
L: When Jacob learned that his favorite son was killed, we
thought by beasts, I gave up trying to keep my life neatly in order. By
sharing my husband’s grief I learned that I did not have to have everything
perfect or planned out. Eventually we learned that God had a greater plan for
Joseph. He came to power in Egypt
and through his influence the tribe of Jacob was able to survive a terrible
famine.
M: I have had to learn over and over to let God be in control.
On the journey out of Egypt
with all the people, whenever I tried to do things in my own strength they
failed. It was only when I depended on God that we prospered.
L: That was something I finally learned, too. Only in my old
age was I able to forgive my family and then I was free to let God act through
me to help bring reconciliation between my sons and their half brother.
M: We humans are a stubborn group. If only we were willing to
Let Go of our plans and Let God lead the way… I suppose life would be easier,
wouldn’t it.
L: Perhaps it would.
I find that I can relate to both Moses and Leah in the ways they worked to keep up the appearance of being in control-even when they weren't. How about you? Have you ever tried to do things in your own strength and only later discovered that God had something better planned?
Next time we’ll take a look at
one more way that we try to keep in control and not let God work through us.
